Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
