my mouth tastes like poor choices
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
