worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize