she takes plan B like it's going out of style
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
