shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
