I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
