If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize