Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize