Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
