the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
