Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize