Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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