I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
