tell your sister to shave her snatch
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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