I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize