i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
