so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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