his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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