i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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