No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
