i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Floor bacon is actually really good
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
