I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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