I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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