I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
