my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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