he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
