So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
