I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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