How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
