we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
