She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think people are normalizing furries
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
