Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
