it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
