I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
