I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
