It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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