Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
