I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
