Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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