I'm really into asian looking animals
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
