we have pet lesbian snakes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
