I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize