Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
