Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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