Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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