Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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