how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
