there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
