I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
