Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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