the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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