Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
