i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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