party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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