is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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