Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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