This girl is more easily done than said...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
