You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
