Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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