I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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