Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize