overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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