I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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