i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
