i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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