I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
