yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
