By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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