I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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