I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
