i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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