hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
