Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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