areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
