I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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