I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
