I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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