it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
